"Infatuation is instant desire - one set of glands calling to another. Love is friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows, one day at a time.
Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and pieces about your beloved that you would just as soon not examine to closely. It might spoil the dream.
Love is the quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you - to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by his presence, even when he is away. Miles do not separate you. You have so many wonderful little films in your head that you keep replaying. But near or far, you know he is yours and you can wait.
Infatuation says, "We must get married right away. I can't risk losing him." Love says, "Be patient. Don't panic. Plan your future with confidence."
Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. Whenever you are together you hope it will end in intimacy. Love is not based on sex. It is the maturation of friendship that makes sex so much sweeter. You must be friends before you can be lovers.
Infatuation lacks confidence. When he's away, you wonder if he is cheating. Sometimes you check.
Love means trust. You are calm, secure and unthreatened. He feels your trust, and it makes him even more trustworthy.
Infatuation might lead you to do things you will regret, but love never steers you in the wrong direction.
Love is elevating. It lifts you up. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. It makes you a better person than you were before."
by Ann Landers
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
love, falling in love and genuine love
Love is Not a Feeling. What? You exclaim, of course, love is a feeling. I feel it in my chest, stomach and my body tingles sometimes. Yes, those are the physiological manifestations when one has the sensation of 'falling in love.'
Falling in love and love are two different phenomena. Falling in love can be either a flash of emotions or a first step towards genuine love. "Love is misunderstood to be an emotion; it is a state of awareness, a way of being in the world, a way of seeing oneself and others." -David R. Hawkins
Falling in love is a strong instinctive attraction to a person. If it is mutual and both people work at their relationship; one day that euphoric experience called, 'falling in love,' can grow into genuine love.
The falling in love phenomena is the call of one's longing to belong, to cathect, but the object is instinctually chosen according to our ideals, dreams and etc., although one may not realize it. We usually fall in love with the person's appearance, with the way she/he walks, the way he/she talks. Sometimes we impute to our object of love some mystic illusion, ideal qualities and the more we get to know the person the less we fall for him or her. That's when the feeling of love disappears even faster than it appeared.
The more two persons get to know each other, the more comfortable they get; the less sharp, bright and exciting the falling in love experience is. Some couples continue their relationships and get married; some fall apart. It's reasonable to say that more clothes in the closet and one more toothbrush in the bathroom is the end of the falling in love phase, but it also can be the beginning of genuine love.
The euphoric feelings we call 'love' is the emotion that accompanies the experience of cathecting. Cathecting is the process by which an object becomes important to a person. Once cathected, the object, often referred to as a 'love object' is invested with our energy as if it were a part of oneself, and this relationship between oneself and the invested object is called a cathexis. One's cathexis may be fleeting and momentary. Genuine love implies commitment and exercise of wisdom. When one is concerned for someone's spiritual and emotional growth, one knows that a lack of commitment is likely to be harmful and that commitment to that person is probably necessary for one to manifest one's concern effectively. The concern and commitment to another's spiritual and emotional growth is the purest form of love. It is for this reason that commitment is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship-friends, significant others, husband/wife.
Genuine love transcends the matter of cathexis. When love exists it does so with or without cathexis and with or without a loving feeling-those bursts of butterflies in the stomach, body tingling, etc.
It is easier-indeed, it is exhilarating-to love with cathexis and the euphoric feeling of love. However, it is possible to love without cathexis and without loving feelings, and it is in the fulfillment of this possibility that genuine and transcendent love is distinguished from simple cathexis. Genuine love is volitional rather than euphorically emotional. The person who truly loves does so because of 'a decision to love.' This person has made a commitment to 'be loving,' whether or not the loving feelings are present.
It can be difficult and painful to search for evidence of love in one's actions, but because true love is an act of will that transcends ephemeral feelings of love or cathexis, it can be said, "Love is as love does." Love and non-love, as good and evil, are objective and not purely subjective phenomena.
By
Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, Life Coach, Hypnosis Practitioner,
Author, "101 Great Ways To Improve Your Life."
Falling in love and love are two different phenomena. Falling in love can be either a flash of emotions or a first step towards genuine love. "Love is misunderstood to be an emotion; it is a state of awareness, a way of being in the world, a way of seeing oneself and others." -David R. Hawkins
Falling in love is a strong instinctive attraction to a person. If it is mutual and both people work at their relationship; one day that euphoric experience called, 'falling in love,' can grow into genuine love.
The falling in love phenomena is the call of one's longing to belong, to cathect, but the object is instinctually chosen according to our ideals, dreams and etc., although one may not realize it. We usually fall in love with the person's appearance, with the way she/he walks, the way he/she talks. Sometimes we impute to our object of love some mystic illusion, ideal qualities and the more we get to know the person the less we fall for him or her. That's when the feeling of love disappears even faster than it appeared.
The more two persons get to know each other, the more comfortable they get; the less sharp, bright and exciting the falling in love experience is. Some couples continue their relationships and get married; some fall apart. It's reasonable to say that more clothes in the closet and one more toothbrush in the bathroom is the end of the falling in love phase, but it also can be the beginning of genuine love.
The euphoric feelings we call 'love' is the emotion that accompanies the experience of cathecting. Cathecting is the process by which an object becomes important to a person. Once cathected, the object, often referred to as a 'love object' is invested with our energy as if it were a part of oneself, and this relationship between oneself and the invested object is called a cathexis. One's cathexis may be fleeting and momentary. Genuine love implies commitment and exercise of wisdom. When one is concerned for someone's spiritual and emotional growth, one knows that a lack of commitment is likely to be harmful and that commitment to that person is probably necessary for one to manifest one's concern effectively. The concern and commitment to another's spiritual and emotional growth is the purest form of love. It is for this reason that commitment is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship-friends, significant others, husband/wife.
Genuine love transcends the matter of cathexis. When love exists it does so with or without cathexis and with or without a loving feeling-those bursts of butterflies in the stomach, body tingling, etc.
It is easier-indeed, it is exhilarating-to love with cathexis and the euphoric feeling of love. However, it is possible to love without cathexis and without loving feelings, and it is in the fulfillment of this possibility that genuine and transcendent love is distinguished from simple cathexis. Genuine love is volitional rather than euphorically emotional. The person who truly loves does so because of 'a decision to love.' This person has made a commitment to 'be loving,' whether or not the loving feelings are present.
It can be difficult and painful to search for evidence of love in one's actions, but because true love is an act of will that transcends ephemeral feelings of love or cathexis, it can be said, "Love is as love does." Love and non-love, as good and evil, are objective and not purely subjective phenomena.
By
Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, Life Coach, Hypnosis Practitioner,
Author, "101 Great Ways To Improve Your Life."
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
倒数20
再过二十天就是圣诞节了
虽然我不是基督教徒，也没庆祝圣诞节
可是依旧很期待圣诞节的到来
因为，
圣诞歌很好听
圣诞树很漂亮
而且到处都挂上了我喜欢的灯光装饰
圣诞节的气氛很好
圣诞节给人很浪漫很温馨的感觉
期待二十天后的今天。。 (^_^)
虽然我不是基督教徒，也没庆祝圣诞节
可是依旧很期待圣诞节的到来
因为，
圣诞歌很好听
圣诞树很漂亮
而且到处都挂上了我喜欢的灯光装饰
圣诞节的气氛很好
圣诞节给人很浪漫很温馨的感觉
期待二十天后的今天。。 (^_^)
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